What to Do When Contemplating Divorce


by Chris Torrone



Are you at a crossroads in your marriage, unsure of which path to take? Contemplating divorce is like standing on the edge of a vast ocean, the waves crashing against the shore, your heart pounding with uncertainty. It doesn’t seem like it now, but there is a way forward. In this article, we will guide you through the process of contemplating divorce, offering support, knowledge, and empathy. With our help, you can navigate the stormy waters and find the clarity and strength you need to make the best decision for yourself and your future.

Key Takeaways When Contemplating Divorce

  • Engage in self-reflection and emotional preparation before deciding about divorce
  • Seek professional guidance and support from a divorce coach, therapist, or counselor
  • Understand the legal and financial considerations involved in the divorce process
  • Prioritize the best interests of your children and focus on creating a positive co-parenting relationship
woman crying while Contemplating Divorce

Self Check-In: Assessing Your Feelings and Motivations

You should take some time to check in with yourself and assess your feelings and motivations for considering divorce. The contemplation of divorce can be a challenging and emotional process, and it is important to engage in self-reflection before making any decisions. One helpful resource to aid in this process is discernment counseling, which can provide guidance and support as you navigate your thoughts and emotions.

When assessing your feelings, it is crucial to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself why you are contemplating divorce and what factors are contributing to this desire. Are there specific reasons, such as infidelity or irreconcilable differences, that have led you to this point? Understanding the underlying reasons will help you gain clarity and make informed choices.

Additionally, it is essential to acknowledge any fears or anxieties you may have. Divorce can be a daunting prospect, and it is natural to have concerns about the impact it may have on your life and the lives of your loved ones. Identifying and addressing these fears will help you approach the situation with a clearer mind and a stronger sense of self.

Finally, consider your motivations for considering divorce. Are you seeking personal growth and happiness? Are there unresolved issues in your relationship that you believe cannot be resolved? Understanding your motivations will help you determine if divorce is the right path for you.

Take a Closer Look at Your Relationship Before Contemplating Divorce

Take a moment to slow down and really examine your relationship. When contemplating divorce, it’s essential to take a closer look at the dynamics between you and your spouse. Here are three key areas to consider:

  1. Communication: Reflect on how effectively you and your partner communicate. Are you able to openly express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism? Effective communication is crucial for a healthy relationship and can often be a catalyst for positive change.
  2. Emotional connection: Evaluate the emotional connection you share with your spouse. Do you feel understood, supported, and valued? Emotional intimacy is the foundation of a strong relationship, and without it, couples may feel disconnected or lonely.
  3. Shared goals and values: Consider your shared goals and values as a couple. Are you both aligned in terms of your vision for the future? Having similar aspirations and values can foster unity and a sense of purpose.

Taking the time to slow down and examine these aspects of your relationship can provide valuable insights and help you make an informed decision about your future. Remember, seeking professional guidance during the divorce process can provide you with the support and guidance you need to navigate this challenging time.

Getting the Facts: Understanding the Divorce Process

Understanding the divorce process can help you navigate through this challenging time with clarity and confidence. When contemplating divorce, it is important to have a clear understanding of the steps involved and the laws that govern this process. Taking the time to educate yourself on these matters will empower you to make informed decisions and ensure the best possible outcome for you and your family.

The first step in the divorce process is to consult with a divorce attorney. They will guide you through the legal aspects and help you understand your rights and responsibilities. It is crucial to find an attorney who specializes in divorce cases and has experience in handling similar situations.

Once you have chosen an attorney, they will assist you in filing the necessary paperwork and guide you through the various stages of the divorce process. This may include mediation, negotiations, and, if necessary, court proceedings. Throughout this time, it is important to maintain open lines of communication with your attorney and address any questions or concerns that may arise.

Understanding the divorce laws in your jurisdiction is also essential. Familiarize yourself with the specific requirements and timelines for your region, as this can vary from state to state. By having this knowledge, you can better navigate the process and ensure that all necessary steps are followed.

Preparing for the Journey: Emotional and Practical Considerations

Once you’ve made the decision to end your marriage, it’s important to consider the emotional and practical aspects that come with this journey. It can be a difficult time, but with the right support and guidance, you can navigate through it successfully. Here are some key things to keep in mind as you contemplate divorce and prepare for the journey:

Emotional Considerations:

  • Allow yourself to feel: It’s normal to experience a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to relief and even guilt. Give yourself permission to feel and process these emotions.
  • Seek support: Consider working with a divorce coach or therapist who can provide you with the emotional support and guidance you need during this challenging time.
  • Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and help you heal. This could include exercise, journaling, or spending time with loved ones.

Practical Considerations:

  • Consult a divorce lawyer: A knowledgeable divorce lawyer can guide you through the legal process, ensuring your rights are protected and helping you make informed decisions.
  • Gather important documents: Start collecting financial documents, such as bank statements, tax returns, and property deeds. This will be helpful when dividing assets and determining child support or alimony.
  • Plan for life after divorce: Begin thinking about your future and what you want it to look like. Consider your housing, finances, and custody arrangements for any children involved.

Creating Your Future Vision: Setting Goals and Priorities

As you start envisioning your future, consider setting goals and priorities that align with the life you want to create after your marriage ends. It is crucial to have a clear vision of what you want for your life after separation. This will guide you in making decisions and taking actions that will lead you towards that desired future.

When contemplating divorce, seeking advice from professionals who specialize in family law is essential. They can inform you about your legal rights and guide you through the divorce proceedings. Additionally, marriage counseling can be beneficial, as it can help you explore your feelings and assess if there is a possibility of reconciliation.

Child custody issues can be one of the most challenging aspects of divorce. It is important to prioritize the well-being of your children and work towards a mutually beneficial custody arrangement. Seeking the assistance of a qualified family lawyer can help you navigate through the complexities of child custody laws and negotiate an arrangement that is in the best interest of your children.

During a difficult divorce, it is crucial to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Engaging in self-care activities, seeking support from loved ones, and considering therapy can help you cope with the emotional toll of the process.

Ask Hard Questions: Exploring the State of Your Marriage

When exploring the state of your marriage, it’s important to ask yourself hard questions and honestly assess if your relationship is meeting your needs and making you happy. Communication between partners is the foundation of a healthy marriage. Take a moment to reflect on the following questions:

  1. Are you and your spouse effectively communicating with each other? Lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. It’s vital to have open and honest conversations about your feelings, concerns, and expectations.
  2. Have you expressed your unhappiness to your spouse? Sometimes, it’s easy to keep our frustrations bottled up inside. However, it’s essential to communicate your feelings and give your spouse an opportunity to understand your perspective.
  3. Have you considered seeking professional help before making hasty decisions? If your marriage is experiencing challenges, it may be beneficial to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor. They can provide a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and work through any issues.

Remember, an abusive marriage is never acceptable, and your safety should always be a priority. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s crucial to seek help immediately.

Contemplating divorce is a difficult decision, and understanding the challenges that come with it is essential. Take the time to evaluate your marriage, seek guidance, and make informed choices that will lead to your happiness and well-being.

Effective Communication: Navigating Difficult Conversations

To effectively navigate difficult conversations in your marriage, it’s important to prioritize open and honest communication with your spouse. When contemplating divorce, communication becomes even more crucial. Difficult conversations can arise when discussing the state of your marriage and the possibility of ending it. However, by approaching these conversations with empathy, respect, and a focus on finding solutions, you can increase the chances of effective communication and understanding.

When navigating difficult conversations, it’s important to create a safe and non-judgmental space for both you and your spouse to express your thoughts and feelings. Listen actively and attentively, seeking to understand their perspective before responding. Use “I” statements to express your own emotions and avoid blaming or attacking your partner.

Additionally, it’s important to consider the context of the conversation. Choose an appropriate time and place where both of you can be fully present and free from distractions. Be mindful of your body language and tone of voice, as they can significantly impact the outcome of the conversation.

Remember, effective communication is a two-way street. Encourage your spouse to share their thoughts and actively validate their emotions. This will foster a sense of trust and openness, making it easier to navigate difficult conversations.

therapy while Contemplating Divorce

Committing to Counseling: Seeking Professional Help

Seeking professional help through counseling can provide valuable guidance and support for couples navigating challenging times in their marriage. When contemplating divorce, it is important to consider all available options and resources. Committing to counseling is a proactive step towards finding solutions and rebuilding your relationship. Here are three reasons why seeking professional help can be beneficial:

  1. Expert Guidance: Couple therapy, also known as marital therapy, is conducted by trained professionals who specialize in helping couples navigate their difficulties. They have the knowledge and experience to guide you through the emotional process of divorce and help you explore alternatives.
  2. Improved Communication: In therapy, you will learn effective communication skills that can transform the way you interact with your partner. Open and honest communication is crucial for resolving conflicts and rebuilding trust.
  3. Exploring Alternatives: Counseling provides a safe space to explore the underlying issues and concerns that may be contributing to the desire for divorce. A skilled therapist can help you identify and evaluate all possible alternatives before making a final decision.

Attending a Marriage Intensive: Intensive Work to Save Your Marriage

Attending a marriage intensive can be an effective way to work intensively on saving your marriage. When you find yourself contemplating divorce, it’s crucial to explore all possible avenues before making a final decision. A marriage intensive provides a safe and supportive environment where you and your partner can address the root causes of your marital issues. It offers concrete steps towards rebuilding your relationship and finding common ground.

During a marriage intensive, you will have the opportunity to delve deep into the challenges you are facing. Trained professionals will guide you through various exercises and discussions designed to foster communication, understanding, and empathy. They will help you navigate co-parenting issues, address unresolved conflicts, and develop strategies for effective problem-solving.

One valuable aspect of a marriage intensive is discernment counseling. This specialized form of therapy helps couples who are uncertain about the future of their relationship. It assists in gaining clarity and making informed decisions about whether to continue working on the marriage or pursue separation.

Attending a marriage intensive signifies your commitment to saving your marriage. It demonstrates your willingness to invest time and effort to heal a broken marriage. These intensive programs provide a unique opportunity to rebuild trust, strengthen emotional bonds, and create a solid foundation for a healthier, happier future together.

Now that you have attended a marriage intensive and have given it your all to save your relationship, it’s important to be prepared for the possibility of separation. Understanding the legal, financial, and emotional implications of divorce can help you navigate this difficult process. Here’s what you can expect:

  1. Legal implications: Consult with a family lawyer who specializes in divorce to understand your rights and obligations. They can guide you through the legal process, including property division, child custody, and spousal support.
  2. Financial implications: Divorce can have a significant impact on your finances. Take stock of your assets, debts, and income to ensure a fair division. Consider seeking advice from a financial planner to help you plan for your future.
  3. Emotional implications: Going through a divorce can be emotionally draining. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you cope with the challenges ahead. Take care of yourself physically and mentally during this time.

Planning Ahead: Financial and Practical Preparation

When preparing for separation, it’s important to take proactive steps in planning your finances and practical matters. Making the decision to separate or divorce is a life-altering decision, and it’s essential to be prepared for the changes that lie ahead. First and foremost, familiarize yourself with your rights and responsibilities during the actual divorce process. Seek professional advice from a lawyer who specializes in family law to ensure that you are fully aware of your legal rights and options.

Consider attending couples therapy to explore all possibilities of reconciliation before proceeding with the divorce. It may provide valuable insight and guidance during this difficult time. Additionally, educate yourself about the financial implications of divorce. Read books about divorce and consult with financial advisors who can help you navigate the complexities of dividing assets and liabilities.

Remember to consider the impact of divorce on children, if applicable. Seek resources and support groups for children of divorce to ensure their emotional well-being is prioritized throughout the process. Lastly, weigh the pros and cons of divorce carefully. While it may seem like the only solution, it’s important to fully understand the potential challenges and consequences that come with it.

Embracing Life After Divorce: Building a Fulfilling Future

To build a fulfilling future after divorce, it’s important for you to focus on self-discovery and personal growth. Going through a divorce can be emotionally challenging, but it also presents an opportunity for you to rediscover yourself and embrace a new chapter in your life. Here are three key steps to help you navigate this journey:

  1. Seek support from credible divorce resources: Divorce can leave you feeling lost and uncertain about the future. It’s important to arm yourself with reliable information and guidance. Look for credible divorce resources such as books, online articles, and support groups to help you navigate the legal and emotional aspects of divorce.
  2. Heal broken relationships: Divorce often leaves a trail of broken relationships, including with your ex-spouse. While it may be difficult, it’s important to heal these wounds and move forward. Consider seeking counseling or therapy to help you process your emotions and find closure. This can also be an opportunity to improve your communication and co-parenting relationship, especially if you have children.
  3. Embrace life after divorce: Divorce can be a catalyst for personal growth and self-discovery. Take this time to focus on your own needs and desires. Explore new hobbies, set goals, and surround yourself with positive influences. Embracing life after divorce means finding happiness and fulfillment on your own terms.

Frequently Asked Questions

How Can I Protect My Assets During the Divorce Process?

If you’re contemplating divorce and wondering how to protect your assets, there are steps you can take. It’s important to be proactive and seek legal advice to understand your rights and options. Start by gathering all financial documents and records, including bank statements, tax returns, and property deeds. Consider opening a separate bank account and protect any valuable assets. Additionally, consult with a family law attorney who can guide you through the divorce process and help safeguard your assets.

Should I Tell My Children About My Contemplation of Divorce?

When contemplating divorce, one important question to consider is whether or not to tell your children. It’s a difficult decision that requires careful thought and consideration. You may want to consult with a professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who can provide guidance and support during this challenging time. Remember, every situation is unique, and what works for one family may not work for another. Ultimately, the well-being and emotional health of your children should be a top priority.

How Can I Navigate the Emotional Challenges of Divorce?

Navigating the emotional challenges of divorce can feel like sailing through stormy waters. It’s important to remember that you are not alone in this journey. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can help guide you through the waves of emotions. Take time for self-care and practice healthy coping mechanisms. Remember, it’s okay to feel a range of emotions, but also know that you have the strength within you to weather this storm and come out stronger on the other side.

Is There a Way to Save My Marriage Without Going Through a Divorce?

Is there a way to save your marriage without going through a divorce? Yes, there can be options to explore. It’s important to remember that every situation is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, can provide guidance and support in navigating the challenges you may be facing. Open and honest communication is key, as well as a willingness to work together towards finding solutions.

How Do I Choose the Right Divorce Attorney for My Situation?

When contemplating divorce, choosing the right attorney is crucial. You need someone who understands your situation and can guide you through the process. Look for an attorney with experience in family law and divorce cases. Consider their reputation, reviews, and success rate. Schedule consultations with a few attorneys to discuss your situation and see if you feel comfortable working with them. Remember, finding the right divorce attorney can make a significant difference in the outcome of your case.


When contemplating divorce, it is crucial to take a step back and assess your feelings and motivations. Slow down and examine your relationship closely, understanding the divorce process and its implications. Prepare yourself emotionally and practically for the journey ahead, setting goals and priorities for your future. Consider attending a marriage intensive to give your relationship a chance. Plan ahead financially and practically, and embrace life after divorce by building a fulfilling future. Did you know that according to the American Psychological Association, about 40-50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce? Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and with the right support and guidance, you can navigate through this challenging time.

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