TACOMA CPS & FAMILY LAWYERS
We have a plan
When you become our client, we explain everything in detail. You will feel confident right from the start.
We help you fight
Torrone Law will help you fight an unjust system to get your life back on track and restore your family.
Restore your family
You deserve to
Dedication to our Clients
Our lawyers will help you get your life back and restore your family while protecting what matters most–your children
In 2011, Chris Torrone opened his legal practice to better serve his community by fighting for families being unfairly targeted by the legal system.
Torrone Law focuses on juvenile cases involving CPS and family law matters, but the firm has years of experience in criminal and personal injury cases. Tell us about your case and see if Torrone Law can help you get your life back.
Family law professionals
We’ve been at this for a long time. Our lawyers are experienced at all aspects of family law. Our goal is restore your family and get your life back.
You deserve dignity
We treat every client with dignity and respect. Every client that works with us gets the same treatment, resources, and attention as any other.
We fight for you
No attorney wants to go up against Chris. He’s a fighter and works tenaciously for every single one of his clients. He will fight for you too.
Torrone Law will get the results you deserve and fight for your family throughout your case. Our lawyers will walk you through every step of the process.
What People Say About Our Firm
When I saw all the great reviews about Torrone Law office I knew they were the right choice. The results were AMAZING! Chris did a great Job with my CPS case, he made me feel better after talking to him, he assured me that everything was going to be okay and that he was going to get me my kids back. HE DELIVERED. He did exactly what he said he was going to do and got my kids back to me. Chris keeps you on the loop of what’s going on, the whole Team is nice and pleasant. EVERY dime was well spent. I recommend Torrone Law firm 100%
I recently hired Chris and his team to handle my custody case. At the time I was out of my mind with worry because my ex refused to pay child support or honor his temporary visitation orders. At our first meeting Chris was very kind and intuitive. He asked detailed questions and was able to “talk me off the ledge” very quickly. I am not perfect but I love my kids. Chris “gets” me and I’m confident he will be there for me throughout this painful process.
None of these articles should be mistaken for legal advice, but they are extremely helpful thoughts and ideas to help you. We cover the range of practice areas from family law, to personal injury, and more.
While sex is often whispered about, it’s no secret that it is an incredibly important part of lives, a vast landscape full of pleasure, intimacy, complexity, joy, discovery, and fulfillment. Unfortunately, for married couples, it’s often also prone to its share of confusion, disappointment, sadness, pain, and alienation.
Navigating your sex life within marriage takes continual, respectful communication, an open mind, and a lot of grace. But couples throughout the world continue to express the importance of sexual intimacy in their relationship.
Tragically, many couples suffer from what is commonly known as a sexless marriage. This is roughly defined as a marriage where partners are having sex less than 10 or 12 times per year, or roughly once per month. At its worst point, couples can even go years without making love or experiencing any kind of physical intimacy.
Some of you might say, “My goodness, I can’t imagine going more than a few days without it.” But our relationships go through phases and seasons, and the way we feel physically, emotionally, and psychologically, both about ourselves and our spouse, can drastically affect both the frequency and intensity of these encounters.
Difficulty with sex is cited as one of the top 3 reasons for divorce. So, how frequent are sexless marriages? How often does a sexless marriage lead to divorce? Finally, what can I do about my sexless marriage? Stay with us. We’re going to look at the realities and struggles of sexless marriage. We’ll also discuss ways to pursue greater understanding, better communication, and, hopefully, newfound intimacy.
Sexless Marriage Rates
The truth is, no one knows exactly what the sexless marriage divorce rate is. That’s because it’s a difficult thing to measure accurately. There are several factors to include in studies of this kind, including the fact that some marriages are sexless and the spouses don’t mind. A quite comprehensive study would need to be performed across multiple regions, demographics, and time periods, to get a more accurate account of this phenomenon.
What we do know is that a lack of sex in marriage seems to be increasing. According to a 2002 U.S. General Social Survey, 16% of marriages were classified as sexless. This is unsettling on its own. But the trend is moving upward. In 2018, that number reached 1 in 4, or 25% of marriages. That’s a substantial increase.
Why is this Happening?
Several factors are likely at play here, including the dynamics of people getting married later, financial or economic factors, and social preferences, and the negative role that mass media and social media have on our communication and relationships.
It’s more important to figure out why it’s happening in your relationship. Statistics are interesting and help us learn about the world around us. They even help us avoid trouble down the road. But they don’t solve the complex problems taking place in our own homes.
What Does this Mean for Me?
One of the more nuanced aspects of looking at sexless marriages is that, in many cases, sex may not be the problem itself. A lack of sex along with a decrease in other forms of intimacy, like affectionate physical touch, affirming words, and engaging conversation, are often symptoms or the effects of much deeper struggles.
How we express ourselves sexually with one another is directly tied to how we feel about our spouse, what we believe about them and their actions, whether we trust them, and how enjoyable and affirming our interactions are in that season. If we have old pain or trauma that hasn’t been dealt with, it can really put walls between each other. If we’re holding onto resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, or simply leaving situations murky instead of seeking greater understanding, it becomes much more difficult for us to feel the freedom, safety, and excitement needed for sexual intimacy to flourish. And these three things are necessary, at least in some measure, for positive sexual experiences to continue between spouses.
Specific Causes of a Sexless Marriage
Every romantic relationship is unique. This means that while all struggles are common to men and women everywhere, our individual emotional and psychological makeup and our personal choices take on infinite variations. Thankfully, there are specific things we can do to spot problems on the horizon and take action when the time comes, whether that means moving toward divorce or working hard to stay together and build intimacy.
Some reasons for a sexless marriage include the health of partner’s emotional intimacy, sexual dysfunction, medical conditions, mental health struggles, differing sex drives, overall marital satisfaction, poor communication, and much more. Let’s look at a few reasons more closely.
Lack of Passion
When we first fall in love, passion comes easily and in spades. For months, sometimes even the first few years, the excitement of getting to know this special person, of discovering your individual personalities and sharing your hopes for the future, along with a natural physical chemistry, really keeps the sparks flying in the bedroom.
Naturally, and perhaps unfortunately, like most things in life, the heights of this season of passion aren’t sustainable. Relationships move through stages and familiarity with one another can make certain things routine, which can dampen our desire for sex. The stresses of life and our responsibilities can also alter our view of our spouse, as they go from the object of our fantasies to being more like a partner we work with to survive the rigors of life.
Fluctuations in passion and sexual intimacy are inevitable. However, you can keep more of it alive by making choices to pursue things like sincere compliments, surprising new dates or outing ideas, more time alone, and more spontaneity. Also, play and laughter among lovers is key to passion. The more you laugh and play together, the greater the passion both in and out of the bedroom.
You can also seek ideas from books or in-person from experienced marriage counselors and sex therapists who have a wealth of knowledge in this area.
Struggling With Sexual Communication
Your ability to talk openly with one another about your sexual desires, your wants and hopes in the bedroom, and about things you may not be comfortable with, along with changes in how you feel about certain aspects of your or your partner’s sexuality, is key to being able to explore sex more freely with each other.
It’s hard to talk about our deepest desires and our truest feelings, even with the one we’re closest to. When couples cultivate a relationship where each person is supported and encouraged to talk openly about everything having to do with sex, desire, curiosity, boundaries, sexual exploration, and their feelings, they are able to grow in relationship, as companions and as lovers. When we feel free, heard, understood, and affirmed, we naturally want to engage with more of life, which includes a broader sexual scope and a deeper bond with our spouse.
This is a common one. The routine pressures of work, the long hours and terrible commutes grind us down and impact our sexual relationship, sexual frequency, how we view sexual intercourse and our overall relationship satisfaction. Raising children, chasing crazy schedules, worrying about money, and dealing with family emergencies, all these can wear us out.
Long-term exhaustion quickly steals from our libido and makes it easier for us to avoid intimacy and turn to quick fix things like television or other distractions. For increased connection and a healthy sex life, try turning off the TV or whatever else is stealing your attention. Take a short nap together, then take a walk to connect. Have a great conversation after work or after the kids go to bed. However, don’t discuss work or schedules or appointments. There will always be enough time for those things. Instead, make it a habit to talk about life, about your deepest thoughts and feelings, about your hopes and inner struggles. Explore ideas together, get creative, and be quick to share humor.
These times of connection and discovery will keep your relationship exciting and rejuvenate your energy, even when you’re worn out. They’ll also remind you that the point of life isn’t about schedules and routines, but that these responsibilities are there to allow us the space and freedom to explore, create, and connect.
Few things wreck the mood more quickly than ongoing conflict. Sure, once in a while, those surprise, intense fights can shake things out, and pave the way for a new level of intimacy. But long-term unresolved conflict is an intimacy killer.
When we bottle things up, our resentment, unforgiveness, anger, and judgment only grow. If you or your partner shut each other out and don’t invite one another to share openly about what’s bothering each of you, you’ll grow distant. This prolonged unremedied struggle cools passion, destroys trust and lowers interest.
This is the right time to pursue marriage counseling. Often, even seeking counsel one-on-one with a therapist, each of you on your own, along with couple’s counseling together, can make a huge difference. Some conflicts need the help of an objective professional who can guide us through waters that we think are impassable.
Illness, Physical Struggles, and Aging
When we’re dealing with considerable physical limitations in our sexual functioning, because of an illness, chronic health condition, an injury, or the general aches and pains of aging, sex often needs to change. Frequency of sexual encounters may need to decrease to accommodate partners with limited mobility or energy.
Still, many couples dealing with health problems or injuries continue to enjoy sex for years. This calls for very open conversations about desire, needs, abilities, new limitations, safety, and more. With enough understanding, you can navigate a range of limitations and still experience tremendous sexual fulfillment with each other on a regular basis.
Boredom in the Bedroom
This is common, and it’s one that is easier to fix than a lot of other problems. Remember, your spouse is a unique, creative, complex individual just like you. This means their desires are every bit as unique as yours. Take time to really get to know what the other desires. Don’t get locked into too much repetition, same time, same way, same everything. Read some great books together on the subject, talk to sex therapists, and really enjoy exploring your time with each other.
You’ll find that this mutual creativity in your sexual intimacy is incredibly affirming and trust-building. It also naturally shakes up the mundane and reminds you that marriage should be adventurous.
Things that May Push a Sexless Marriage Toward Divorce
Sadly, there are times when certain types of sexual conflict are more difficult to work on. If left unchanged, divorce may be in sight. Let’s look briefly at a couple of these now.
Complete Refusal to Discuss Sexual Concerns
When talking about sex, or anything really, it’s important to remain open, interested, compassionate, and non-judgemental. Avoid shaming or blaming your partner for everything. If you’re expressing yourself consistently in a positive way and they refuse to engage with or listen to you, it’s usually a sign of deeper communication and intimacy problems. It’s a good time to seek professional help.
Your Partner’s Sexual Activity with You is Disrespectful or Harmful
This is serious and definitely requires professional counseling and a lot of work. It’s not something to take lightly or brush off. Occasional misunderstandings in the bedroom are common. However, if your partner consistently disrespects you either in speech or in their actions when it comes to sex, and refuses to change, this indicates a deeper problem with disrespect, a lack of boundaries, and selfishness.
Don’t leave yourself in a harmful situation like this. Get with friends, family, counselors, mediators, and attorneys if needed, to make the choices you need to make for yourself and your children.
As you can see, sexless marriages are more common than many of us might believe. The impact of the isolation, sadness, and frustration we experience in these struggling relationships can be devastating. We all want a healthy marriage and can’t stand the thought of a loveless marriage or a no-sex marriage.
Often, the reasons for our sexless marriage run deeper than the bedroom and involve older traumas, poor communication, a lack of trust, physical and mental struggles, various other relationship issues, and much more. When these occur, it’s important to seek professional help from experienced therapists. And if divorce becomes imperative, always partner with an excellent divorce lawyer.
Still, most sexual struggles can be mended with the right help, communication, respect, genuine interest, and trust. No matter where your relationship is at, it’s important to know that sex is important to each of us. It is an extension of who we are and how we want to express ourselves, especially with the one we love the most. It’s worth exploring and working on together.
Torrone Law helps people find resolution and wholeness during divorce or custody. Contact us today with questions and to learn more about how Torrone can help you find peace of mind in this difficult season.
To learn more about sexless marriage, see our frequently asked questions below.
What is a sexless marriage?
Sexless marriage is generally defined as a marriage where couples have sex roughly less than once per month. However, many couples in these situations experience much greater disconnection, even going months and sometimes several years without sex.
Sexual intimacy and sexual satisfaction in long-term relationships are a big deal. Many would-be healthy relationships suffer from the effects of a low-sex marriage brought on by various causes. Let’s look at these in our next question.
What causes a sexless marriage?
The reasons are as diverse as we are. They may be simpler, like boredom in the bedroom, lack of intimacy outside the bedroom, poor communication, varying capacities for sexual satisfaction, or physical and mental exhaustion.
They might also be more serious, involving past trauma, infidelity, disrespect, abuse, a refusal to work on conflict, confusion about one’s sexuality or sexual preferences, addiction to pornography, or deep unresolved anger, sorrow, and disappointment about other aspects of the relationship.
Will sexless marriage always lead to divorce?
No, but sometimes it does. If both partners are interested and willing to work hard on their issues, remain open and listen well, cultivate an atmosphere of respect, interest, and genuine pursuit of each other, many sexual struggles can be overcome. This happens when deeper issues begin to heal, when we choose to love selflessly, and when we take a sincere and passionate interest in our spouse on a daily basis.
Sometimes, when conflicts run deep and the work isn’t working, so to speak, divorce may still occur. It’s important you pursue therapy by working with experienced counselors, as well as partnering with mediators, and a great divorce attorney to ensure a better transition into the next season of life.
So, you’re having regrets about your decision to get a divorce. You’re not alone. This is a common thing for many couples to experience as they move closer to their final legal separation. At times, it’s merely the remnants of what you once had together, thoughts and emotions that will take time to dissipate and find perspective in your new life. Other times, it may signal a call to reconciliation.
Each couple is different, and each individual will have to evaluate their own desires and come to a decision about what they want most, what they believe is best, and whether to move on or dive back in.
We’re going to look more closely at what it means and what to do if you’re experiencing doubts and thinking of changing your mind about divorce. There are some important things to consider and some key decisions to make that will help you navigate this confusing time with greater clarity and focus. Let’s take a look.
Why am I Having Second Thoughts?
It’s normal to second guess yourself during divorce. You were likely with your spouse for years. The effect of this prolonged time of shared life experience and physical and emotional intimacy intensifies the longer you are together and the closer you become. Marriage is often the most intimate and important relationship you will have. To lose it, no matter the reasons, and even if you consider it a good thing to lose, will affect you in countless ways that reveal themselves as the weeks and months roll by.
The two of you have invested a lot of time, energy, affection, money, and trust in one another and in the future of your relationship and family. No one wants to feel it was a waste. No one wants to feel like they’ve failed, and you wonder what life after divorce will be like.
Still, there are additional questions that pass through your mind. Are you wondering if you can handle being alone again for a while? Are you worried about the whole process of emotional healing? How will your divorce affect your children? Will you make it financially? Did you rush into your separation without considering it fully? Are you worried about what others may think? Are you simply worried about walking through such big changes in life, thinking that it may be too much to handle?
No matter the reasons, if conflicting thoughts continue to rise to the surface and feelings of regret and remorse continue to grow, it is important to take them seriously and initiate steps to better understand yourself, your spouse, and the hopes each of you have for the future, no matter what that looks like.
Here are a few steps to take if you’re feeling stressed about separation or the divorce process, experiencing doubts about any part of it, wondering if you’ve made the right decision, or have very real questions about whether your divorce is going to make things better off for you than your marriage did.
Communicate: Talk About Your Concerns with Your Ex
Once you’ve taken time to consider your questions and feelings, it’s time to talk it out with your ex-partner. Start a conversation during a “good time,” a time when you’re both calm, clear, and interested in communication.
Share openly and honestly about everything, the reasons for divorce, reasons for staying together, family issues, the benefits of staying together and those that might come from separating. Let them know you’re experiencing cold feet about the divorce, and ask them to share their thoughts and feelings around the subject.
Given the level of stress and confusion often surrounding divorce, it’s fair to simply open the conversation with, “I’m not sure what I want, but I have doubts; what are you feeling?” It can be really uncomfortable to open this dialogue, especially since you have no idea what your ex will say, how they are feeling about you, and even whether you really want to hold off on the divorce and try to make things work again.
The point is to begin talking, start the process of exchanging thoughts, feelings, and ideas about yourselves, your family, and the future. If your conversations yield relatively positive results or you sense that the two of you share some similarities with your outlook, you can then move the conversation to an experienced psychologist for some couples counseling to gain further perspective and greater understanding.
Get Outside Help
As we just mentioned, finding some outside assistance for this unique development, both in yourself and in your relationship is a wise decision. It’s important to see a qualified counselor by yourself to work through your own questions and emotions as well as a couple’s therapist for some couples therapy if you both decide it’s a good idea.
Other helpful professionals include divorce lawyers, since divorce attorneys will be able to help you sort out the complicated web of financial and custodial matters that may already be well underway. The further along you are in the divorce process, the more nuanced and focused the professional help will need to be. You’ll definitely want a divorce lawyer for this.
Also, consider additional help from a mediator, close friends, trusted family members, and older mentors. Discuss your situation with individuals who are mature, show thoughtfulness and wisdom, and have your best interests at heart, not just anyone looking to give out advice.
Slow and Steady Wins the Race
No matter what each of you decide, we advise you to take it nice and slow. Sometimes, when emotions are running high or you’re worn out from navigating the pain and details of divorce, it’s easy to jump into something without thinking it through completely, especially if certain positive emotions are beginning to surface once more.
Avoid this tendency. You’ll only make things worse. Ease into things. Focus on clear communication, respect, and mutual understanding. Look objectively at your situation, taking into account all the reasons you both wanted a divorce in the first place. Work through these difficult issues and through the hopes each of you has.
Keep a Little Distance for Perspective
If you’re already living apart, we don’t recommend you jump back into living together while you’re trying to figure out if getting back together is even a good idea. Living in separate homes at first will give both of you the space necessary to consider your life, decisions, and situation objectively, without the pressure of being face to face every day.
Oftentimes, having a spouse/parent move back in suddenly can be jarring, especially if things are still very uncomfortable or up in the air. Sleeping together can confuse things even more. Wait a while. Respect the process. Give yourself time to develop a new and stronger foundation before building the rooms above it.
When it comes to divorce, nothing ever has to be permanent. Struggling married couples sometimes reunite. Couples, long divorced from one another, sometimes find themselves once again organizing a wedding.
Experienced divorce lawyers and counselors can help you slow things down and press pause on your divorce so each of you can figure out where you’re really at and be thoughtful about such a major decision. It’s okay if the two of you decide to move forward with separation. Sometimes this is the healthiest move for the family. It’s also great if you decide to stay together. The important thing is to consider it thoughtfully, taking into account everything that you care about, your well-being, and the future of your family.
Torrone Law helps individuals, couples, and families find clarity during the divorce process, healing afterwards, and the tools they need to move forward with confidence. Connect with us today to learn more or to schedule a consultation.
To learn more about divorce, check out our frequently asked questions below.
What do I do if I’m having real doubts about getting divorced?
If your thoughts and feelings are persistent, it’s a good idea to discuss them with your counselor. Afterwards, if you still want to move toward reconnecting in some way, open a dialogue with your ex. You’ll need to uncover their feelings about you and find out what they really want.
If this continues to yield results, move toward couples’ counseling, and additional counsel from experienced divorce attorneys and mediators. Take things slow. Remain open and honest with yourself and with one another. Don’t rush back into living together, as this can confuse things. And make sure to remain open with your kids about where each of you are at and what to expect from each step of this season.
Is it ever too late to back out of divorce?
The answer is no. No matter how far along you are in the divorce process or divorce proceedings, you can always press pause or stop. Remember, even those who have divorced sometimes remarry.
Consider your options carefully and work with your lawyers to protect your and your partner’s rights and assets, and with a counselor to respect your and your partner’s needs, hopes, fears, concerns, and feelings.
How do I know if my doubts about divorce are serious or not?
Counselors, friends, mentors, family, attorneys, all these can help you clear the path and uncover the core, get down to the center of your concerns and your deepest feelings to see which decision is best. You want to make informed decisions, especially when it comes to something so impactful. Ultimately, only you can answer these questions. You will need to come to your own conclusions about what you want out of life based upon everything you’ve learned and considered.
Get A Free Case Evaluation
We are here to help you with law questions