For some, those dealing with a high stress, neglectful, or unhealthy marriage, the idea of divorce can spark positive emotions and thoughts of needed change. When we’re in such a difficult situation for so long, the fact that change is around the corner can even send us into the heights of elation. We may want to celebrate, talk about our upcoming or recent divorce with everyone, post about it online, even throw a party.
However, if this is you, if you’re thinking about “telling the world,” so to speak, or throwing a party, you may want to slow down and rethink that. Broadcasting and celebrating your divorce this way can have significant consequences for a number of people. It can affect your divorce case, your friends and family, and most of all,, your child or children. Let’s look at some reasons why a divorce party may be a bad move and how to navigate this season in ways that are beneficial for all involved.
Public Celebration can Affect the Outcome of Your Divorce and Custody Proceedings
When we celebrate anything, photos and videos abound. Someone or several people will make visual and audio recordings of these times, and many of these get posted online and shared with others. If we’re still waiting on a final decision or working on a modification to custody or financial matters, these images and videos can cast a negative light on our efforts. Opposing counsel can use these to alter the court’s perception of our character or motives.
If they have pictures of you getting drunk and doing crazy things one night out with friends, or posting about how great it is that you’re divorcing, they can use it to cast doubt on you as a responsible parent. It can also make you look flippant about why you’re choosing to divorce. Instead of you coming across as one who has considered the choice thoroughly and reasonably, you risk looking adolescent, selfish, and unstable.
If you want your case to go smoother, for people to really understand the reasons for your divorce and to protect your finances and especially your kids and your time with them, do yourself a favor and avoid public divorce celebrations along with posts and shares about your divorce which may lead to less than favorable outcomes for you in different areas of your case and life.
Your Attitude and Choices Affect Your Relationships
To be sure, it’s your life, your marriage, your divorce. But those closest to us love and care for us a great deal. They want the best for us and want to have a truthful picture of why we’re making some of the biggest choices in our life.
Posting overly celebratory remarks about your divorce, badmouthing your ex online or to others, sharing photos and videos of divorce celebrations, all these can negatively affect the way others view us. Certainly, we’re not encouraging you to govern your life by the opinions of others. It’s yours to live. But if we’re being inconsiderate, immature, and sloppy about such a big thing, something that affects a great many people, our friends and family can often begin to see us as self-absorbed or disingenuous. They may believe that we’re not choosing divorce for anything more than selfish reasons.
This can be quite a contrast to the person they thought they knew, someone with a good head on their shoulders, one who takes his or her life seriously, and makes choices, especially huge ones like separation or divorce, with great consideration and conscientiousness. You’ve got your family and you want your friends for life and don’t need them second guessing your intent and motives to the point where it damages your relationships.
Think About Your Kids
Children are often most affected by divorce. And their stress, sorrow, and confusion are just as often overlooked or diminished. Divorce throws their entire world out of balance for a while. With some things, forever. They need time to make sense of things, to have meaningful conversations with you and your ex about the separation, your family, new life patterns, and the future. They also need to know both parents love them deeply and will continue to work together peaceably to raise, care for, and protect them.
Just like constant fighting, mockery, gossip, or bad-mouthing one’s ex, throwing divorce parties, posting about your separation, and generally being “loud” about it can really hurt your kids. They can interpret these instances as signs that you hate or don’t respect their other parent. It may seem that you don’t value the wonderful and very real memories that they have of the whole family together.
It can seem as if you didn’t take your marriage seriously. It can also confuse them about how they should feel about your ex. If they see you making these kinds of public declarations with glee, they may lose respect for your ex as their other loving parent. This also teaches them that it’s okay to not take marriage and divorce seriously and that it’s alright to disregard the feelings and relationships of others.
Their health and futures are dependent upon having a continued thriving relationship with both parents. Do everything you can to move forward with your life while showing respect to and communicating well with your ex. Don’t invalidate the truth of your kids’ experiences or the bond they still have with each of you.
Healing Takes Time and Deserves Our Attention
Separation or divorce, even when it is necessary, has a deep impact both on us and others close to us. The process of healing emotionally and psychologically has many stages. Even while celebrating a newfound freedom, an opportunity at a healthier life and a better environment for ourselves and our children, is understandable, going all out with public displays for your divorce can actually hinder your ability to heal. You want to be able to think through every aspect of your relationship and separation, think through your plans for the future and feel the full range of emotions cleanly, feelings that help us move through this season into the seasons ahead with clarity and confidence,
You deserve a healthy, affirming life. Taking time to gain greater understanding and healing establishes the foundation, both for you and your loved ones, to build this new life effectively.
It’s important you understand that we’re not saying that all divorce celebrations are terrible or that you shouldn’t recognize significant life changes with memorable events. However, we are urging you to think again about making public statements, posting images or videos, praising your divorce, or making public statements against your ex. These can all damage you, your chances of a good settlement, your time with your kids, and your relationship with others.
There may come a time when hosting some kind of celebration is fitting, especially if you’re leaving a particularly unhealthy relationship. But you should think about doing so in secret. Spend time with friends in a quiet place. Request that they don’t record any of it, and wait a while before doing so to help yourself and others mend.
Ultimately, a healthier choice would be to get away somewhere beautiful and relaxing on your own or with a few of your closest friends. This is a much more affirming way to celebrate this significant life change and allows you freedom, space to think, and a sense of discovery and hope.
And don’t forget, when it comes to handling your divorce, always seek the advice of an experienced attorney. Divorce attorneys provide invaluable legal advice on a range of issues, help you make sense of finances, accounts, and property division, decide on a proper child custody agreement, navigate your trial and the entire divorce process, pursue a strong settlement agreement, and find greater understanding of this often stressful process. Your divorce lawyer has your best interests in mind and wants the best for you and your family.
Torrone Law helps individuals, and families navigate divorce with compassion, clarity, and confidence. We work with each of our clients to ensure the best possible settlement and a future you can look forward to. Connect with us today to get started on a better season of life.
Check out our frequently asked questions below for quick answers about navigating your divorce.
Is a divorce party a good idea?
Well, usually not. You risk having pictures or videos taken and posted online, which can affect the outcome of your divorce settlement, your custody rights and parenting time, and your relationship with others. You also risk your kids misunderstanding your intent and doubting your ex’s love for them.
If I do decide to have a celebration, is there a healthy way to have a divorce party?
If you feel it’s absolutely necessary, wait a while, a long while before hosting an event. Do so in private. Ensure that none of it is recorded or posted and be careful to protect your kids and their relationship with your ex.
What are some great alternatives to a divorce party?
Travel and connection are great alternatives. Take a trip or two alone to clear your head, discover a new landscape and culture, find space for your head and heart to heal, and feel that wonderful sense of adventure and possibility.
Make it a celebration by inviting a few of your best friends or family members along on the trip. You’ll discover new things together, enjoy great conversation, fun outdoor activities, nights out, and build memories for life.