Unfortunately, divorce is becoming more and more common, with roughly 50% of marriages ending in divorce. There are many reasons couples might decide to end their marriage, but there are some that seem to occur more often than others. Here are some of the most common reasons people get divorced and some ways to navigate these difficulties.
Infidelity is one of the most common reasons couples end their marriage. It can be defined as a sexual act between a married individual with someone other than their spouse. However, because of the complex nature of our relationships, it isn’t only sexual unfaithfulness that does harm. Prolonged or intense emotional bonds between unmarried individuals can lead to hurt feelings and a sense of betrayal and broken trust.
Infidelity has a way of damaging, sometimes irreparably, any relationship it touches. The consequences can be far-reaching, not only for the couple themselves, but especially for their children, along with other family and friends, often splintering long-held bonds between multiple parties.
Another reason surrounding a similar subject is simply sexual problems, emotional or sexual withholding, or issues of incompatibility. Without getting too far into the details, these issues usually involve a great deal of shared history, communication problems, loss of intimacy, and the need for professional counseling.
Almost equal to infidelity or other sexual concerns, money problems are the other elephant in the room. Whether it be prolonged unemployment, crippling debt, the negative aftermath of poorly performing investments, extended family relations leading to bad financial decisions, or just bad money management, concerns over money and the financial future of the family tops the list for one of the strongest reasons why couples divorce.
There are ways out, though it is never an easy climb. It requires honesty and openness with one another. It can also involve some of the following, sound financial counseling, debt relief strategies, the pursuit of a better career, more education, and the discipline to stick to a budget in order to get things back on track.
This doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t even happen in a hundred nights. This sort of turnaround usually takes a few, if not several years and requires each individual to be consistent in their choices, compassionate and understanding with their partner, and seek a common goal for their marriage and family.
Communication is one of the most important aspects of marriage. Whether it is discussing your day, agreeing on investment or vacation plans or negotiating physical intimacy, communication is necessary for a healthy relationship. Lack of communication between two people can lead to trouble in their marriage and eventually, divorce.
A lack of communication might not be as easy to identify as some of the other problems listed here, but it’s clear that without proper communication, marriages don’t stand a chance. It isn’t just about quantity, as some people think, but quality. It’s about building communication habits that truly feed the health of your bond with one another. This takes setting aside time every day to just spend enjoying and talking with each other. It takes planning for the future together, being vulnerable about your struggles, sharing the truth of how you feel and what you think, and listening more than you speak.
Another reason why couples might divorce is because they have unrealistic expectations about the relationship. They think that their marriage will be perfect. It’s easy for us to form images of our ideal marriage and life in our head, with the perfect home, kids, jobs, income, and emotional and physical intimacy in place. Life, however, doesn’t work that way. Most of life happens between our big plans. It is constantly throwing us curve balls. We get sick, lose our job, move away, lose friends and family, struggle to maintain a connection with our children, find that our passion has diminished or simply get disillusioned about our place in the world. Instead of seeing these as opportunities to grow both as individuals and in our love for one another, too many of us throw in the towel.
We may want to force things back into the model of reality we have in our head by trying desperately to change our spouse, something that is unhealthy and almost never works. Even if it does to some degree, they will usually despise us for doing so. It’s important for both people in the relationship to realize that everyone has faults and not everything in life will go as planned. We need to accept each other for who we are and love one another unconditionally.
Lack of Support
Lack of support encompasses a lot of things. In some ways, it’s different for every person. Some people want more emotional and verbal support. While others need physical affirmation and closeness. Still others need intelligent conversation and the exchange of ideas. Most of us need a combination of these. We all struggle in life and need those we love most to lift us up, encourage us, work with us to find solutions, and show us a lot of love and patience.
When passion fades, when emotions run high or debt builds up, or we get distracted by other things, it’s easy to grow apathetic, even selfish, about our relationship. We may offer little in the way of verbal or physical support and ignore the genuine needs of our spouse at the moment they need us the most.
Focusing on good listening, self-sacrificial and unconditional love, vulnerability, and decisions that lead us toward, instead of away from each other, are key to getting and giving the support we all need.
No matter the reason, divorce is incredibly difficult, one of the most troubling and life-altering decisions we will make. It’s important we do everything we can to build the love and life we want together, and to pursue the help we need when things aren’t going right. If divorce does become inevitable, it is vital that you seek professional legal help so that you and your spouse can separate in the healthiest possible way for everyone involved, leaving each of you and the children, with the resources and communication needed to make a fresh start.
At Torrone, we do everything in our power to return you and your family to a place of health during and after divorce. Let us guide you through this difficult season. Contact us today. We’ll make sure you have the tools, information, and representation you need to start your new life on the right foot.
For answers to some of your questions about divorce, look over our frequently asked questions below.
What are some of the top reasons people get divorced?
The list of reasons is long, and in some ways, unique to every individual. However, the most common reasons we sometimes divorce are infidelity or other sexual problems, financial trouble, poor communication, lack of support, and unrealist expectations. Of course in some relationships, other factors may include addiction, abuse, neglect or other problems.
What are some ways to avoid divorce?
Professional counseling is one of the best things you and your spouse can pursue together, often opening you up to new levels of understanding you hadn’t thought possible. Also, healing takes an abundance of listening, openness with how we feel and what we think, clearly sharing our hopes and worries, mature financial and family planning together, and surrounding ourselves with people who love, support and have our best interest in mind.
What can I do if divorce becomes inevitable?
One of the best things you can do is hire a trusted lawyer to help guide you through this difficult time. They will assist you with financial and property issues, custody and visitation, and other matters important to your future.
It’s also important to stay close with friends and family, remain connected with the people and activities that bring your life meaning. Find a good counselor, and set realistic goals for the next few years as you rebuild your vision of life.